The day we found out about your special needs, your diagnosis of cerebral palsy, I was never worried for myself. I already knew that I loved you with all my heart. I already knew that I would do whatever it took to take care of you. I already knew that I would be willing to sacrifice anything for your well being and happiness. I knew I wouldn't trade you for the world because you are my world. My days are filled with doctors appointments, therapists offices, and lots of waiting rooms; but they don't bother me. I love being able to help you and watch you learn and grow.
I know I'm not super mom, but I try my very best for you. You have such a sweetheart. Seeing your joy and love for people inspires me. Your heart of gold makes me want to be a better person. I would do anything to keep you this way, young and innocent. I'll fight for you every day, and will go to the ends of the earth to keep you safe. Yet I know no matter how hard I fight or how much I try my biggest fear for you will one day come true. I can't stop it. I can't change it. I just have to sit and wait for it.
Because what I fear the most is the day you understand.
That day you see how different your life is.
When you learn that all these appointments aren't just fun new play places. When you start to notice the stares of strangers and understand the comments they make. The day you wonder why you can't run as fast as your friends. When the other kids what to know why you talk so different. When someone tells you, you can't; or underestimate your strength. The day that you get called slow. When you are so frustrated because you put out so much effort, as much as you truly have, and you still can't do what you want. I know this day will come. I dread the day already.
How badly I wish I could keep you here. In the place where your smile never fades. The place where you feel strong and safe. I know the world is harsh, and I know it will all be a little harsher for you. I know that I will never be able to change it. I can't change the fact that one day that fearful day will be upon us. The truth is that day will come, but it will also go. That day I dread for you my sweet baby isn't one that will last forever. It will pass and a new day will come. Even though the battle will have just started on that day, I know you will make it though. Day by day you will make it through.
Because I'll be here waiting.
I'll be here waiting to build you up and to remind you about how truly special you are. I'll be here with arms open wide to hold you if you want to cry. I'll be here to remind you that you were made in God's image, and tell you He doesn't make mistakes. I'll be here waiting, waiting for that day.
Cushaun Charles
Girl, i am sitting at ny kitchen table bawling. I am a homeschooling mom of a 5 yr old who was diagnosed with sickle cell anemia ( the main reason we decided to homeschool) so I can relate to you. By the grace of God he has been doing very well...it's a blessing to be able to homeschool. The homemaking aspect is a challenge which is how I happened upon your website....was just searching for a bit of encouragement and received more than I expected. May God bless your family in increasing measure and refresh you as you refresh others : )
Jennie
I'm so glad you came by and for the comment! We are a homeschool family also. I really hope it encouraged you and that you find what you need here! Hope to see you around here more! =)
Queen In Between
Such a sweet post
Laura
Gorgeous words, Jennie! You have one lucky little boy to have you! God always knows what He's doing!
BradleyandLauren Washer
This is beautifully written, Jennie. Thanks for sharing your heart! This is also one of my biggest fears. People on the outside looking in don't realize the incredible blessing and joy that our kids are! They tend to only see the differences and find them hindrances. We get to know the deeper side of these boys, and how truly blessed we are!
Heather
Such a sweet letter to your son! Brought tears to my eyes. What an awesome mommy you are 🙂
Stephanie Smallsen
such a heartfelt post! Hes so blessed to have an amazing mother like you
Sierra&Faith Winks and Eyerolls
This is so precious. You are such a strong mother and you can tell the love you have you for your son in this letter. Love how you said God doesn't make mistakes. Although we don't always understand things, He has a plan and a purpose for everything.
Amanda Karl
You are an amazing mother to that precious little boy! Its heartbreaking to know that he will face so much from being "different" then the other kids, but he is so lucky to have you!